I SEEM TO BE
BUT REALLY I AM
OH, HOW I WANT………….!!
This week, in July of 2009, I found this poem prompt among my files. I had filled it in at a grief support group in February of 2003 – five years after Lew’s death. I had even prepared it for the support group based on a similar prompt I had used before. Today as I read what I wrote I see that my website — and my son, Judson, who designed it – have filled this longing that consumed me in 2003. Here’s what I wrote in 2003:
I WANT to move from “newly bereaved” to “ always bereaved.”
I WANT my bereaved status to be less and less at the center of my life.
I WANT to send Lew’s legacy out into the world and let him be truly free.
I SEEM TO BE very competent and confident and brave.
I SEEM TO BE a person who could find and communicate with an editor.
BUT REALLY I AM hesitant – and too weary. Nearly ready to begin but not quite.
OH, HOW I WANT to be braver and to be the published author of “Learning from Lew.”
Many of the things I have shared in these posts have existed for years. I wrote about Lew during his life and since his death but very little of it had been shared. Thanks to you, Judson, and to you, reader, I am finally sending Lew’s legacy out into the world.